Sweet Moments & Food Weirdness

So the other night before drifting to sleep, I feel John put his hand on my belly. He doesn't say anything for a while. I'm wondering what is going on and when I ask he says, "I was praying for Bean."

On another note, he and I have both been praying for me to not suffer morning sickness. It's working. I don't feel nauseous at all (yay!) but honestly the thought of most food doesn't appeal to me either. I'm having lunch with a friend today and mentally rehearsing all the foods I normally like. Nothing sounds good except for mashed potatoes & grilled cheese sandwiches. Weird, huh?

Yay! More fun stuff in the mail.

Mom sent us this great package that arrived today. So many useful resources and my first maternity top. I can't wait to dig in to the information. I'm all for any book that teaches how to soothe a crying baby.

I just don't know the future.

So I'm researching strollers. What a headache. There are so many features. I know nothing about which features will make our lives easier or which features seem nice but end up being useless. They say to pick a stroller that will fit your lifestyle. What if you don't know what your lifestyle will be like with a baby? We don't do a whole lot now. We love staying home and being cuddled up together on the couch watching CSI or Amazing Race. But with a baby we might want to do stuff. Am I going to jog with a stroller? Do I want simple? Elaborate? Aaarrrggghhhhhh. Someone make up my mind for me please.

Best Quote Ever

So Saturday we had lunch with John's grandparents, Papa & Nana. Despite his 86 years, Papa still has tons of spirit. They both really enjoy any bit of time they get to spend with their only great-grandson, Caleb. Time spent with him is limited for all of us because Caleb's parents share custody.

Papa did not mince words as he cautioned: "If I don't get to see this great-grandbaby more than I get to see Caleb, I'm going to stomp a mud hole in someone's back side!"

I heard this and choked with laughter. Did Papa just threaten us? Hahahahaha! I don't know what that even means but it sounds painful. Something about kicking our butts? Ouch!

Making Room & Major Blessings

So I've been de-crapifying my 2nd bedroom today. We have a bunch of stuff we don't use but can't, with a clean conscience, throw them away: guitar that John doesn't have time to learn, roller blades that I don't want to learn, votive candles from our wedding 5 years ago, Economics book from a class I dropped last year, other random books, clothing, photo albums...ugh, so much stuff.



Then there's the "please throw this away as fast as possible and get it out of my life" pile. It seems like not a lot of stuff for the amount of time I've spent going through everything. And it hasn't really even made a dent in the closet.



We'll get it figured out.

On to the blessing. My God is the God who provides. Today a friend at church told me she still has the baby paraphenalia her 3 year old daughter used and we are free to take whatever we need: Crib, high-chair, 2 car seats, a portable crib and I think a bassinette. Holy cow that is awesome! And another friend is giving me her pregnancy clothing. We are sooooo very thanksful.

Firsts: Baby Gift

The most precious thing arrived in the mail yesterday from North Dakota. Our first present for Bean...teensy little baby caps & the tiniest baby socks you've ever seen, and a sweet card. Who do we know in ND, you might ask? Patti, a woman who has been a dear cyber friend for about 1 1/2 years. Though we've never met face-to-face, we've shared many MANY laughs, tears, craft ideas, life stories, pictures, and so much more.



Patti, thank you so much for thinking of us. And during our phone conversation, your support and encouragement was so touching. Thanks for being my cyber friend. I so appreciate you! =)

Dear Littlest Bassett Baby

We haven't been officially introduced, I'm your dad! You'll have to bear with me a bit, I'm really new at all of this but I promise to give you my absolute best. Even though I am new at being a father myself I feel like I walk in the shadow of giants thanks to the example your granddad has given me. Luckily for us both, he is around to continue to be an example. I cant wait to hold you for the first time. I know that you will be so little and I'll be so nervous but we'll both be alright. I can't promise that things will always be easy and I am sure I will make you mad but always know that through good and bad I will always love you, protect you and support you unconditionally. Understand that I love your mom more then life itself and because we have so much love for each other we wanted to share it with you. You are our special blessing from God and I am so thankful He has given us the responsibility of taking care of you. I still can't believe that you'll be joining us so soon. I bet you'll be beautiful like your mom! Life is going to be so great with you in it. Sure we will all have to learn so much but we have each other and family and friends that love us. We'll do just fine. Being a Dad is going to be such a blessing. I truly cant wait. It was great talking with you and we will definitely chat more later.

Love Always,
Dad

Co-Author

So we might start seeing posts from John soon. Yesterday he completed the process for sharing authorship of this blog. Yay honey! I can't wait to see what you have to write about all this new wonderful stuff.

Changes in my sense of smell?

I kept smelling something stank the last couple of hours and finally found what it was. The perfume on my wrist now smells like urine! I swear it didn't when I woke up and put it on this morning. Is this pregnancy related? Does everyone else think I stink????? Oh jeeze.

Baby Development

So I'm reading up on what happens to Butter Bean with each passing week. Most of it I'm viewing as interesting in a scientific biological sense, but nothing is really affecting me as in "this is going to be happening inside YOU".

Until I got to week 18.

Within the next few weeks, she'll be able to hear voices outside the womb and respond positively to music or loving words. It's time to fine-tune your singing and storytelling skills!

Oh my goodness this just made me cry.

Telling his family

So we told John's folks last night at Mimi's restaurant. I'm so glad John abandoned the whole 'let's wait til Christmas' farce. Neither of us can keep a great secret for very long. Who were we really fooling? Not even ourselves. Exactly.

Anyway, I bought a onsie that said "What happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's" and wrapped it in a Christmas bag with pictures of the pregnancy test. It took Linda a minute to comprehend but we could see the light bulb go off. It was so precious. I have it on video and will upload it later. John's dad wanted to stand up in the restaurant and ask for all the patron's attention as he shared the news. I wish he would have. That would have been SO COOL.

*** Update: Here's the video***


My sister wants to know when we can start shopping. I'm not really into buying baby stuff yet. As I was picking out the onsie I felt so out of my element even being in the baby section. I'm sure eventually I'll want to go crazy on baby supplies. Right now we don't have anywhere to put anything. So higher on my list of priorities is getting rid of useless crap we've been hanging onto forever. I've already dumped 2 big bags of clothing and I have a huge box of scrap supplies that I'm going to offer to some friends. I'd really love to have a 4 bedroom house rather than try and figure out how to stuff a baby & all the accessories into our condo. As I prayed for God to open that door, I heard from 2 people in 2 days of nice houses currently in foreclosure. Hmmmmm. Interesting.

Another thing to think about is what to do with the dog. Ugh. I don't even want to imagine how hard it will be to relocate a dog with an attitude problem. Anyone want a persnickety 8 year old Jack Russell Terrier who growls, snarls & bites the hand that feeds him, wants to fight with every other dog when on a leash, eats cats, follows you around the house to the point where you either step on him or trip over him constantly, and goes crazy when you vacuum or flush a toilet or turn on a flashlight or have visitors? You sure? He's really really cute.

If I'm being honest...

...this hasn't sunk in yet. I catch myself listening to the radio in the morning and having to remind myself there's a baby on board. I know eventually it will become real to my mind. Just not there yet. I wonder what it will take. Hearing B3's heartbeat? Seeing the first picture? Feeling the first kick? Imagining all those things is so weird. Mom asked me what theme we want to go with for the baby's room. I'm not ready to talk/think about that stuff yet. We don't even have a place to put little Bean yet.

Physical changes: No nausea. Not tired. Feeling great. Need to exercise more. Don't freak out - I only mean low impact stuff.

Telling my family

As you can imagine, mom was super excited and just in utter shock to hear the news of Butter Bean Bassett (B3). Sarah welled up immediately and was speechless for like a whole minute. Watch the reaction here as they open their cards:

Then we called Heather in Portland because none of us could really wait for her to receive and open her Christmas package. I love hearing the reactions because people experience the same process John and I went through as our brain wrapped around the news: First joyful surprise, then shock, back to joy, then 3 days later you are still like "Is this for real? No way that just happened." Yep, Heather did the same thing. It was so cute. She was very excited, to say the least.

Then I called my dad. He giggled like a little girl saying "That is so cool!" I wish I had a recording of his reaction. So precious.

Well, I think John is getting more and more anxious for his parents to know. The plan moved from "lets wait until Christmas" to "let's tell them this Friday" to a phone call a few minutes ago "let's tell them tonight!" I'm so on board with telling them tonight! Then on Saturday my extended family is getting together and there we will tell Grandma, Aunt, Cousins & 2nd Cousins. Woopieeeeeeee!

This is the BEST WEEK EVER.

First OB Appointment...

will be January 15th.

And John agreed to letting me tell my mom & sister tonight rather than wait. My heart was breaking that she couldn't experience the excitement with me right away. Plus I want to talk to her about the doctor I chose. If he's a quack I'll still have time to cancel and find someone else.

So Glad Monday Is Over

We went to my appointment yesterday to have the doc confirm what we already knew. Yes, we are most definitely with child.

On the way back out to the car, John could tell something was up with me. Remember, I had been battling those crazy thoughts all day. He asked me what was wrong. I shared my mental struggles. He says that yes, we might have thought our life was perfect before, but now it will be perfect with a baby. We'll get over the shock of it and eventually it will become normal to us like life is now. His encouragement made me instantly feel better. I'm so glad to be on this journey with him. His support is worth more than gold.

Our next step is to make an appt with a new OB/GYN doctor. I'm calling for an appt today. I know it's the week before Christmas but I'd really love an ultrasound picture to show off at Christmas. We'll see how fast they can get this show on the road.

We are waiting until Christmas to tell our families. And here is the plan for the 'big reveal'. The pictures I took of us on Saturday with the test showing positive will be printed along with a bracelet I'm making for my mom that says "Grandma". These items will be put in a box and wrapped with beautiful paper. For my sister Sarah I'm making a bracelet that says Aunt Sarah. That will also be wrapped and under the tree. When they come over for our traditional Christmas morning breakfast and gift exchange, they will both open their boxes together. I can't wait to see their faces. I'll have someone running video to capture the moment. My other sister in Oregon is getting her Aunt Heather bracelet in the mail so I have to trust she won't open it until Christmas.

John is waiting until Christmas night to tell his family. It is very important to him that this news NOT leak out at all until Christmas evening dinner. I really want to honor his request. But it's really hard for me because people that I work with and go to church with know his parents & brother. That means I can't tell ANYONE! And I'm dying. I actually think it is literally killing me. Tomorrow my work is having our potluck lunch. That would be the perfect time while the whole group is together to make an announcement. I may still do it, but with a strong warning to those who know my in-laws that I will take their life if they spill the beans.

Hey, I'm allowed to be crazy. I'm a pregnant lady!

Both our lives just changed forever

No way! We took a pregnancy test Saturday 12/13 and it came out positive! Holy cow, I can't believe it. I just can't believe we finally did it! John and I are tickled, shocked, giddy, stunned and completely unable to keep it a secret for longer than an hour. Upon waving my pee stick in front of him, with it's big blue "+", he laughed and told me to go get my camera.





I can honestly say I've thought of little else since Saturday. I don't sleep well because of the excitement. I'm at work and can't focus on anything. In about an hour I leave for my doctor's appointment where she'll do a blood test (I imagine) and then we'll know for sure.

It has been the longest day of my life. I catch myself staring at the clock, willing the hands to move a bit faster.

I've prayed a lot about God changing my heart towards motherhood. And he has. 5 years ago I never would have guessed that I would even consider starting a family. It just was never something I had any interest in doing. But over time my feelings changed. God is faithful to work on my heart and mind. I started viewing motherhood as an adventure I couldn't wait to take on with John by my side, as a blessing, as something God truly wanted for our lives, and as a humongous leap of faith. Finally, after being married about almost 5 years, John and I decided that we would officially "try" for a baby. Although we didn't try on a continuous basis. We really only gave it a solid effort for about a month.

And at first when I watched the pee stick immediately scream "pregnant" I felt happy. The next day.....also happy. Not scared at all. I thought I would remain at peace with this whole thing, and that my former doubts and fears were finally dead.

Apparently peace is something I'm going to have to fight for. Today I can feel my old self resurrect thoughts like "Why the heck did we do this? Our life was perfect before now and you just had to go and screw it all up. Do you know what you are in for now?!" I kind of expected it would take longer, and that we would have more time to digest the gravity of our decision. I didn't imagine it would only take 5 tries over a 3 week period.

No. I don't know what we are in for. But I do know that it is too late to turn back now. And I'm going to pour myself into God's word, stand on his promises, and be strengthened every day to battle these fears. I don't want the enemy to unravel me during a time in life that is supposed to be so beautiful. The enemy cannot steal this from me.

Prayers on deck: John and I are both praying in faith that I will not suffer nausea. We are praying for a healthy baby (girl...at least I'm praying for a girl) and no Downs Syndrome or anything else that plagues babies born to women in their 30's. I also do not want to have a C section and would appreciate a healthy problem free pregnancy & delivery. So if you feel compelled to pray for us, we will certainly appreciate it.