Sometimes an apology is just not enough.

I had a lady tell me recently that she didn't appreciate something I said to her. I was shocked because my comment (to me) was so innocent and so obviously a joke (again, obvious to me) that I still to this day cannot fathom how it was offensive.

So I apologized to her for causing an offense and explained that I did not intend anything mean by it. This did not matter. She was UNHAPPY. Then I asked her "Why would you think I was being mean to you? We are friends."

Apparently the offense was so deep that she informed she was not so sure we were friends after all. Wow. I was stunned to hear this. Then embarrased. Then angry. After she left my area, I wondered why my explanation and apology did not 'fix it.'

Speaking of apologies...John and I are still dealing with the after effects of the car accident that happened in January. Yes, we are every bit thankful to God for bringing her and her daddy out of that situation in perfect physical health. But I still can't help being a little a lot mad at the driver who's brief moment of negligence caused our baby physical harm and caused John and I loads of mental anguish.

We literally fight to not re-live what we had to helplessly watch our baby daughter endure. To me, there needs to be some justice up in here. I have been thinking about filing a civil suit against the punk that hit our car. Not because I want his money. I give a crap about this kid's money. But because (in my opinion) he hasn't had to suffer a big enough consequence for his actions. His insurance company has been paying for all his mistakes.

Then I think, would any amount of compensation from this doofus make the memories go away? Would it make the accident not happen? No & no. So what am I really after? An apology. Some acknowledgement of the suffering he caused ME even though I wasn't in the car. "Hey look, I am so sorry for what happened to your kid. That must have been really hard. I wish I could take it all back." And honestly, that wouldn't 'fix it' either.

So what do I do? I'm not going to sue anyone. I'm going to give it to my God who has been there and has seen His own Son suffer more than I could ever imagine. I'm going to find comfort in the fact that I'm not alone in this and that I have a healthy daughter and husband and have been so blessed throughout this time. And I'm going to remind myself that while an apology sometimes isn't enough, freedom comes in the not needing one.