Friday, October 30, 2009

Reflections on the first 3 months

Last night I was clipping Brooklyn’s finger/toe nails as she fell asleep on my lap. It was so easy… *clip clip clip* and done. Then I carried her into her room, put her in her crib, tucked her in, and got the heck out. All in under a minute. It got me thinking about how far we’ve all come in 3 short months.

I remembered how panicked I was to clip her teensy little nails for the first time. Her fingers were unbelievably tiny. Even with John gently holding her finger and 20 minutes of me sweating and fumbling around, I just gave up…almost in tears from the fear of cutting my baby’s finger and unprepared for how hard this simple task was. And look at us now!

I also remembered how for the first month of Brooklyn’s life I would start to feel anxious at around 7’oclock each night, wondering if any of us would get any sleep that night. If she fell asleep in my arms I would watch what seemed like an eternity of minutes creep by before I could muster the nerve to get up. Then I’d hold my breath as I placed her in her bassinet…pleading with God not to let her wake up so I could get 3 decent hours of sleep. And look at us now! I can plop her in the crib and she’ll sleep for 9 or 10 hours. Anxiety – GONE!

I thought back to when John and I gave her her first bath in the kitchen sink. It was miserable for me. I worried about EVERYTHING…was the water too warm? Was John scrubbing her too hard and getting soap in her eyes? Would she slip out of my hands and drown or fall onto the tile? Would she hate this and us for doing it to her? But look at us now! Bath time is so easy and much more fun for all. She loves the water, splashes around with her feet, and looks into my eyes as I sing, talk to her and scrub all her 2000 parts.

I think about how my attitude has changed. Maybe I'm more patient. At least that is what John says. What used to annoy me about the idea of parenthood doesn’t seem to matter anymore. Like how you have to load up the U-haul with baby equipment just to run up to the grocery store for 2 things. Or how you put your hobbies on hold because spending time with the baby before she goes to bed is so much more fulfilling. Eh…you do these things because you love her and your own comfort or convenience or entertainment isn’t as high a priority. And you really don’t mind either.

I think about how this whole trip is a leap of faith. I feel like my heart is actually outside of my body and has become this little baby. I’ve felt like that about her daddy for years but with her it is a much more raw, vulnerable feeling. I HAVE to trust God with our tomorrows, even more now than ever before. So for today I will kiss her head. It is like breathing....I need to do it! And I will drink in her full-faced, chubby-cheeked, toothless smiles. And I will cherish every moment, great or small. As far as I can tell, parenthood is the greatest job God ever gave a person. And I know I’ve only scratched the surface!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Back to work....*sniff sniff*

Today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It's Thursday and I only have one more day of work before the glorious weekend. Plus, I knew we were leaving Brooklyn with our parents, who love her nearly as much as we do, and I found much comfort in that. I did get a little emotional last night right before bed but recovered quickly. I reminded myself that many other moms return to work and have to leave their babies in the care of others. I'm not the first and won't be the last. And at least we don't have to use a daycare facility. She's being nurtured and loved by grandparents. How awesome that we can rely on our family!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Brooklyn turned over on her own!!!!!

I'm really excited! Here are a series of photos from yesterday (10/3/09),at my parents house, showing Brooklyn rolling over for the first time (she actually did it 3 time and this was the last)


Thursday, October 1, 2009

Aaaaaaaah, love this time of year!

To me the end of September is like the warm up band for the remainder of the year. The weather begins to cool...well, not much cooler here in Florida but even a 2 or 3 degree drop in temp is much appreciated. People start hauling out their fall decorations. The squash section of the grocery store finally gets some love with the addition of the pumpkin and all the other cool looking squash type veggies that fall brings. The stores start selling their sweaters and coats - which has always been silly to me since we only get to wear sweaters for like 2 hours out of the year. But the bonus is they put all the summer stuff on sale. Yay!

I'm still enjoying time off with Brooklyn. I go back to work in two weeks and I'm trying hard not to think about it. I love staying home with her. It's fun to have a cooperative baby who lets you sleep until 8:00 or 9:00. And now that she's cleared to go out in public it's fun to take her to meet my friends in the village for lunch. I'm trying to absorb every moment as much as possible.

See, the doctor said since she was premature that we should wait 2 or 3 months to bring her out. We didn't mind adhering to that rule.

Taking her places isn't the huge nightmare I thought it would be. We keep the diaper bag stocked and by the door and her milk goes in bottles so I don't have to attempt breastfeeding out in public. And thank God for mirrors on the backseat headrest that allow parents to see their kids in the rear facing car seat.

It seems like most of the logistical things I was worried about regarding parenthood have turned out to be no big deal so far. Love that! I'm sure it will become more trying once she's eating solid foods, so I'll enjoy the ease now while I can!