I had a thought today

Even though I don't feel pregnant at all, and quite honestly I don't yet feel bonded to the life growing within, this little baby is already deeply loved by God. It makes me cry to think that as we were all being formed in our mother's womb, completely unaware of our surroundings, of our parents or even of ourselves, God had a marvelous plan for us. A co-worker emailed me this eBook called Your Pregnancy Devotional. In it I read that the life inside is a blank canvas, waiting for the brushstrokes to be added. I wonder what Bean's canvas will end up looking like. I wonder how my canvas will change as God adds the colors of motherhood to it.

This life was created, as we all are, for a purpose. We think it is a product of our human love. But I know there is more to it than that.

Lord, I can't help but wonder how you will use Bean for Your glory. How will you use John and I to further your kingdom through this tiny life? I'm excited to see it all unfold. Thank you for this opportunity to step out of the boat with You.

Bean at 15 Weeks

Yep, we are on the brink of entering a new week in Bean's development. I've read that Bean can move all joints and limbs but I won't be able to feel the movements for a couple more weeks. The article also says that if I shine a light right at my belly Bean can move away from it. I kind of doubt that the light would pierce all the way through MY blubber, so Bean's delicate eyes are probably safe for now. Although there is not much for baby to taste right now, taste buds are forming. And finally, the article says I should start talking to Bean. I do have a neat little Dr. Seuss book that mom bought for us specifically for reading to the bun while still in the oven. Better dust that off and get to reading.

Wait, does that mean baby will talk in rhymes when she comes out? Hmmmm.

The Diary of a Mad White Pregnant Lady

If you want to share stories of how wonderful and fulfilling it is to be a parent....come, share, I'm all ears.

If you want to relay how parenting has changed your life for the better...pull up a chair cuz I'm listening.

If you want to encourage me by saying "You WILL make it through the sleepless nights and when that tender little baby looks up at you it makes it all worth it"....then I'm your girl.

If you want to drone on and one in a mocking way about projectile baby waste or how much stuff you CAN'T do now that you have kids, then seriously....shut the pie hole.

If you want to laugh and snicker with a tone that says "awe, how naive she is" or tell me how I'll have milk stains all over my clothing so I may as well give up on keeping my clothes clean or how babies wreck your house so don't expect to have anything nice for the rest of my life...I couldn't be any less interested.

If you resent your job as a parent or want to spread your own personal misery...I've got no time for that.

I have time for encouragement. I have time for support. Especially from other parents. Parents who should KNOW the rich benefits of support. Do I want to keep my head in the sand about the negative side of parenting? No. Can I imagine that there will be hard times? Yes. Do I know poo & pee & vomit is a very real part of raising a baby? Uh yeah...what goes in must come out. Duh. Do I know my life is going to change? I hope it does change.

Why is it so frickin hard for people to encourage one another? I will NEVER understand the propensity young parents have for trying to scare the crap out of someone starting a new family. It's like they get some sick joy out of it. "Hey, I have an idea! Let me go find people who are really trying to enjoy the experience of parenthood and let me kick their joy parade right in the tidbits! Mwahahahahaha!"

And since I can't stop them (punching people before they even start a sentence only works in my head) I need to learn how to protect myself from it. Live in a cave? No. Cherry-pick the people I associate with for the next 6 months...or forever? I wish. Get one of those remotes Adam Sandler used in 'Click' and initiate the mute button? I wish.

I know I need to toughen up a bit. I don't know how to do that. Stupid people make me mad. I can't help it. But I am open for advice.

Yesterday's Appointment

So it was an easy doctor visit. I didn't have to undress and wear a paper "robe" - and I use the term 'robe' VERY loosely - which is always refreshing. We got to hear Bean's heart beat. It does make it seem a smidge more real to me. There is a whole host of development processes going on and even though I can't see or feel them, we can hear the evidence. Bean has a precious tiny heart that is speedily pumping blood everywhere it needs to go. Wow.

We opted NOT to do the genetic screening. Maybe other people want to know if there is a propensity for your kid coming out with some type of genetic mutation, and that is totally fine. I personally don't want any doctor's report messing with my faith in God giving us a perfectly healthy baby.

We found out that I have A- blood while John has B+. I guess back in the day this would have been a problem for me if Bean develops blood that is +, but now there is a simple shot that I'll get twice before baby arrives that will keep me safe during delivery.

We also found out that in 6 weeks Bean's gender will no longer be a mystery, known only to God. April 3rd, what a marvelous day that will be. How anyone can wait until birth to know if they are having a son or daughter really beats me.

I'm trying so hard not to imagine what parenthood will be like. I'm quite sure there is nothing that can prepare you for the overwelming new feelings, etc. And any details I imagine will be just that, my foggiest ideas. There are some things John and I ARE sure about. We want our kid(s) to have happy memorable childhoods like we had. We've both been sharing the things our folks did with us that really stand out. I'd love to combine all these things, and even some new, for Bean to experience.

Am I starting to get maternal? Yay!

Geek Baby Shirts

I found these today via this website and my computer networking coworkers and I are getting a huge kick out of them:

2nd Trimester Appt Today

We have our 2nd OB appointment today at 3:00. John and I are both excited to see the progress.

I'm feeling great. I've had no food cravings, no weird dreams, and I haven't begun to show yet. My appetite is coming back and I'm eating normal portions of food now instead of little niblets. I wish I were getting more sleep. There are just too many great TV shows on right now.

Operation "Makin Room for Baby" is still in effect. We wanted to put wood flooring in Bean's room but will now have to spend the $$ on storage cabinets that will line 1 whole wall. I'd love love love the flooring but with space being such an issue, we think the cabinets will be a better use of dollahs. I no longer feel an urgent need for a bigger house. It isn't the worst thing in the world to have the baby's room share space with an office. Maybe I was having an emotional moment the other day. Anyway, all is well. =)

Here's a funny for the day: A sweet friend in my small group was telling me how she swaddles her new baby to comfort him. She says he looks like a burrito. She then said "I guess you guys will have a Bean burrito." It made me giggle last night and it makes me giggle this morning.

New Boys Room Decor