Seven weeks....really?!

So I'm waiting to actually feel pregnant. I know it's early. Too soon for ultrasounds or heartbeats or kicks. But I feel like we are on autopilot...doing things to prepare for Bean because we know we should, not because either of us feels maternal or paternal yet.

Like this morning...I went to the daycare center they have out here at work to put my name on the waiting list. I filled out my form, putting Baby Bassett as the child's name, and an estimated due date (sometime late August?) The lady showed me around the infant area. I felt like I should have been asking questions about the facility but I couldn't think of any. I expected I would feel some sense of wonder at seeing all the baby stuff and being around the 8 little cribs in that room, where one day maybe my Bean will be sleeping. Nope. I was like "Yeah, this is nice. Okay, see ya."

I've often told my mom, when I was younger and hadn't quite decided if motherhood was for me, that my fear about parenthood was not being maternal enough. Now don't worry about me - I'm not afraid of this. I just expected it to kick in already and it hasn't. But that is okay. I know it will. And I'm pretty excited about that change because I know it isn't something I contrive on my own. God wired it into me to happen at a particular time that is perfect - not too soon, not too late. And so I'm not worried that I'm broken. I'm just watching and waiting as this miracle unfolds. =)