Both our lives just changed forever

No way! We took a pregnancy test Saturday 12/13 and it came out positive! Holy cow, I can't believe it. I just can't believe we finally did it! John and I are tickled, shocked, giddy, stunned and completely unable to keep it a secret for longer than an hour. Upon waving my pee stick in front of him, with it's big blue "+", he laughed and told me to go get my camera.





I can honestly say I've thought of little else since Saturday. I don't sleep well because of the excitement. I'm at work and can't focus on anything. In about an hour I leave for my doctor's appointment where she'll do a blood test (I imagine) and then we'll know for sure.

It has been the longest day of my life. I catch myself staring at the clock, willing the hands to move a bit faster.

I've prayed a lot about God changing my heart towards motherhood. And he has. 5 years ago I never would have guessed that I would even consider starting a family. It just was never something I had any interest in doing. But over time my feelings changed. God is faithful to work on my heart and mind. I started viewing motherhood as an adventure I couldn't wait to take on with John by my side, as a blessing, as something God truly wanted for our lives, and as a humongous leap of faith. Finally, after being married about almost 5 years, John and I decided that we would officially "try" for a baby. Although we didn't try on a continuous basis. We really only gave it a solid effort for about a month.

And at first when I watched the pee stick immediately scream "pregnant" I felt happy. The next day.....also happy. Not scared at all. I thought I would remain at peace with this whole thing, and that my former doubts and fears were finally dead.

Apparently peace is something I'm going to have to fight for. Today I can feel my old self resurrect thoughts like "Why the heck did we do this? Our life was perfect before now and you just had to go and screw it all up. Do you know what you are in for now?!" I kind of expected it would take longer, and that we would have more time to digest the gravity of our decision. I didn't imagine it would only take 5 tries over a 3 week period.

No. I don't know what we are in for. But I do know that it is too late to turn back now. And I'm going to pour myself into God's word, stand on his promises, and be strengthened every day to battle these fears. I don't want the enemy to unravel me during a time in life that is supposed to be so beautiful. The enemy cannot steal this from me.

Prayers on deck: John and I are both praying in faith that I will not suffer nausea. We are praying for a healthy baby (girl...at least I'm praying for a girl) and no Downs Syndrome or anything else that plagues babies born to women in their 30's. I also do not want to have a C section and would appreciate a healthy problem free pregnancy & delivery. So if you feel compelled to pray for us, we will certainly appreciate it.