I had a thought today

Even though I don't feel pregnant at all, and quite honestly I don't yet feel bonded to the life growing within, this little baby is already deeply loved by God. It makes me cry to think that as we were all being formed in our mother's womb, completely unaware of our surroundings, of our parents or even of ourselves, God had a marvelous plan for us. A co-worker emailed me this eBook called Your Pregnancy Devotional. In it I read that the life inside is a blank canvas, waiting for the brushstrokes to be added. I wonder what Bean's canvas will end up looking like. I wonder how my canvas will change as God adds the colors of motherhood to it.

This life was created, as we all are, for a purpose. We think it is a product of our human love. But I know there is more to it than that.

Lord, I can't help but wonder how you will use Bean for Your glory. How will you use John and I to further your kingdom through this tiny life? I'm excited to see it all unfold. Thank you for this opportunity to step out of the boat with You.

Bean at 15 Weeks

Yep, we are on the brink of entering a new week in Bean's development. I've read that Bean can move all joints and limbs but I won't be able to feel the movements for a couple more weeks. The article also says that if I shine a light right at my belly Bean can move away from it. I kind of doubt that the light would pierce all the way through MY blubber, so Bean's delicate eyes are probably safe for now. Although there is not much for baby to taste right now, taste buds are forming. And finally, the article says I should start talking to Bean. I do have a neat little Dr. Seuss book that mom bought for us specifically for reading to the bun while still in the oven. Better dust that off and get to reading.

Wait, does that mean baby will talk in rhymes when she comes out? Hmmmm.

The Diary of a Mad White Pregnant Lady

If you want to share stories of how wonderful and fulfilling it is to be a parent....come, share, I'm all ears.

If you want to relay how parenting has changed your life for the better...pull up a chair cuz I'm listening.

If you want to encourage me by saying "You WILL make it through the sleepless nights and when that tender little baby looks up at you it makes it all worth it"....then I'm your girl.

If you want to drone on and one in a mocking way about projectile baby waste or how much stuff you CAN'T do now that you have kids, then seriously....shut the pie hole.

If you want to laugh and snicker with a tone that says "awe, how naive she is" or tell me how I'll have milk stains all over my clothing so I may as well give up on keeping my clothes clean or how babies wreck your house so don't expect to have anything nice for the rest of my life...I couldn't be any less interested.

If you resent your job as a parent or want to spread your own personal misery...I've got no time for that.

I have time for encouragement. I have time for support. Especially from other parents. Parents who should KNOW the rich benefits of support. Do I want to keep my head in the sand about the negative side of parenting? No. Can I imagine that there will be hard times? Yes. Do I know poo & pee & vomit is a very real part of raising a baby? Uh yeah...what goes in must come out. Duh. Do I know my life is going to change? I hope it does change.

Why is it so frickin hard for people to encourage one another? I will NEVER understand the propensity young parents have for trying to scare the crap out of someone starting a new family. It's like they get some sick joy out of it. "Hey, I have an idea! Let me go find people who are really trying to enjoy the experience of parenthood and let me kick their joy parade right in the tidbits! Mwahahahahaha!"

And since I can't stop them (punching people before they even start a sentence only works in my head) I need to learn how to protect myself from it. Live in a cave? No. Cherry-pick the people I associate with for the next 6 months...or forever? I wish. Get one of those remotes Adam Sandler used in 'Click' and initiate the mute button? I wish.

I know I need to toughen up a bit. I don't know how to do that. Stupid people make me mad. I can't help it. But I am open for advice.

Yesterday's Appointment

So it was an easy doctor visit. I didn't have to undress and wear a paper "robe" - and I use the term 'robe' VERY loosely - which is always refreshing. We got to hear Bean's heart beat. It does make it seem a smidge more real to me. There is a whole host of development processes going on and even though I can't see or feel them, we can hear the evidence. Bean has a precious tiny heart that is speedily pumping blood everywhere it needs to go. Wow.

We opted NOT to do the genetic screening. Maybe other people want to know if there is a propensity for your kid coming out with some type of genetic mutation, and that is totally fine. I personally don't want any doctor's report messing with my faith in God giving us a perfectly healthy baby.

We found out that I have A- blood while John has B+. I guess back in the day this would have been a problem for me if Bean develops blood that is +, but now there is a simple shot that I'll get twice before baby arrives that will keep me safe during delivery.

We also found out that in 6 weeks Bean's gender will no longer be a mystery, known only to God. April 3rd, what a marvelous day that will be. How anyone can wait until birth to know if they are having a son or daughter really beats me.

I'm trying so hard not to imagine what parenthood will be like. I'm quite sure there is nothing that can prepare you for the overwelming new feelings, etc. And any details I imagine will be just that, my foggiest ideas. There are some things John and I ARE sure about. We want our kid(s) to have happy memorable childhoods like we had. We've both been sharing the things our folks did with us that really stand out. I'd love to combine all these things, and even some new, for Bean to experience.

Am I starting to get maternal? Yay!

Geek Baby Shirts

I found these today via this website and my computer networking coworkers and I are getting a huge kick out of them:

2nd Trimester Appt Today

We have our 2nd OB appointment today at 3:00. John and I are both excited to see the progress.

I'm feeling great. I've had no food cravings, no weird dreams, and I haven't begun to show yet. My appetite is coming back and I'm eating normal portions of food now instead of little niblets. I wish I were getting more sleep. There are just too many great TV shows on right now.

Operation "Makin Room for Baby" is still in effect. We wanted to put wood flooring in Bean's room but will now have to spend the $$ on storage cabinets that will line 1 whole wall. I'd love love love the flooring but with space being such an issue, we think the cabinets will be a better use of dollahs. I no longer feel an urgent need for a bigger house. It isn't the worst thing in the world to have the baby's room share space with an office. Maybe I was having an emotional moment the other day. Anyway, all is well. =)

Here's a funny for the day: A sweet friend in my small group was telling me how she swaddles her new baby to comfort him. She says he looks like a burrito. She then said "I guess you guys will have a Bean burrito." It made me giggle last night and it makes me giggle this morning.

New Boys Room Decor

Fathers

In the wake of Valentine's Day, I wanted to share the most precious memory I have of this faux holiday. About 9 years ago I worked at the research & development plant for a yacht manufacturing company. Visitors and vendors came by all the time to tour the plant, so for me to get a phone call from the front desk announcing a guest was just part of an ordinary day. When I went down to the front office I saw the sweetest thing...my dad standing there with a bud vase containing three long-stemmed red roses. He was just beginning his work day that morning but took the time to come by and let me know I was loved. His gesture made me the happiest girl in that building and I will cherish this memory forever.

Why did it make such an impact? I mean, boys had brought me flowers and gifts before. I believe there are a couple of reasons. First, my dad isn't really the sentimental type. And we haven't always been as close as we are now. He and my mom divorced when I was about 4 or 5 years old (I'm 34 now) and since I moved around the country with her, staying close to dad required more effort than I think either of us wanted to put forth. It's really only been the last 14 years that we've been investing in each other's lives on a consistent basis. This brings me to my second reason his flowers made an impact...I'm still learning the depth of my dad's love and care for me.

It's funny that I'm remembering these things because today in church the message was about God being a caring and consistent God yet people mistakenly relate to Him as we do our own imperfect human fathers. I'm still learning the depth of my heavenly Father's love for me. His love is so perfect and I'm sooooo flawed.

How does this post belong on a baby blog? My prayer is that John and I would be the kind of mother and father that will genuinely reflect God's love to Bean. That baby Bean would be able to easily relate to the knowledge and truth of God because we layed a healthy and loving foundation, shaped by our own acceptance of the truth of God's love for us.

Preparations - Getting My Learn On!

We learned in our homegroup last night about preparing for the things God will accomplish through you by way of prayer. This theme is also coming at me through a book I've recently started reading about studying the bible. Before starting any task you have to prepare...make sure you have all the information or ingredients you need, make sure you understand the directions and have appropriate safety equipment if needed.

Well John heard from a friend that our hospital offers baby classes. I checked it out and three of them interest me: "Baby Care", "Baby-Friendly Breastfeeding" and "Prepared Childbirth Crash Course". At first when he told me, I admit I was skeptical. I mean, I feel like some of this stuff I will have already learned from books and family and online resources. However, the message of preparation kept playing in my head. Plus John sounded super excited about attending. He said "Don't make me go to these classes alone because I'll do it!" As funny as that image in my head is, I thought that since babies DON'T come with a manual it might be better to learn what I can before Bean arrives.

Time Out for Color Therapy

So yesterday was a rough day for me, emotionally. Actually both of us. John got to listen to rumors at his company of potential layoffs later this year. Nice kick in the teeth, eh? Add to it that we've been trying to configure a floorplan for Bean's room while keeping all of our own stuff sequestered to the 6.5 x 6.5 walk in closet. Jobless or not, a baby is coming and needs a place to dwell.

We've already packed our attic slap full, cut ties with things we really don't need to hang on to, and it still won't all fit in a way that won't make us insane to go into the room. I REFUSE to throw more out. So we came to terms with the fact that the nursery will have to be a nursery/office. I really hate it but there is no other way around it. Now the huge task is configuring everything in a way that we both like. I've got my priorities and John has his. Which is totally fine but of course they don't match. I guess it is what you get when you live in a cracker box and can't buy a bigger house because your job may not be around next year. Wow, I had better stop describing yesterday because I can totally feel the frustration coming on again.

To keep from imploding, I took a break from trying to fit 20 lbs of life in a 5 lb room. I can't worry about the job sitch since there isn't anything we can do about it anyway. Because colors and patterns always make me happy I started researching crib sets. John and I like the idea of not having a theme sewn into the fabric. For example, John loves airplanes for our son's room and I would love lambs and sheep for our daughter. We don't really want to have blankets or curtains with airplanes or animals on them. We'd rather decorate with gender specific colors and use wall art or toys as the 'theme.' This way we aren't replacing curtains as Bean grows and changes his/her mind about what theme she/he likes.

So I present the bedding I love for a girl's room. How cute will this look with a stuffed sheep or rocking-horse style lamb in the corner?




And this is the bedding we love for a boy's room:



The color therapy totally works because I get happy just looking at these pictures again. I think they will work well into toddler-hood.

Please God, I beg you, please let us keep our jobs and help us find a bigger house between now and toddler-hood. And keep us at peace until those days arrive. Thanks in advance. Amen.

Preggie Update

So I'm into my 13th week now. Wow, seriously? Am I already 1/3rd of the way there? Things are going pretty good. I still burp a lot (which to me is REALLY gross!) but considering what other gals endure, I'll take burping over yakking any day.

I don't show yet. I don't know how most women feel about that part, but I welcome it. At least if your belly appears pregnant then people wouldn't look at you like you are an idiot when you play the pregnancy card. Which I've only had to do twice.

For instance, during our vacation to Lake Tahoe John, Amy and I went on a snow mobile trip. Afterwards the bus driver wanted to herd us all back onto the bus like there was a fire he had to get to. Well Amy and I needed to go to the bathroom. He made all the men get out of the bathroom line and foolishly tried to tell us we needed to hold it til we got back to the resort (30 minutes away.) I said, in a less than gentle tone, "There are two pregnant ladies that WILL use this bathroom BEFORE we get back on that bus!" He rolled his eyes but let us go. Now if I had a big ol' belly to stick in his face there would be no eye roll. There probably wouldn't have been any snow mobile ride either but that is totally beside the point.

I have my 2nd OB appointment on 2/19. I don't know what they'll do but I've learned I'll be seeing doc once a month for the next several months. I imagine he'll measure stuff, weigh me (yippeee...not) and ask if I have questions. Which I don't. I think I'll get to hear the heart beat again. That part is neat.

So, all in all, it's been a pretty smooth pregnancy. Would I do this again? Based on what I've experienced so far - heck yes.

Can't stop laughing!

John, hope you are ready for this...

Things I don't have to do when I'm pregnant

1. Share my food with anyone. Ever. Note to my coworkers: Yes my food smells AND tastes delicious. No you can't have any and if you touch it, I'm pretty sure I'm allowed by law, to keeeeel you.

2. Change the cat litter box. Thank goodness we don't have a cat but if we did, I could actually get a doctor's note that absolves me from that responsibility. Something about toxic cat poo germs or something. I dunno.

3. Feel bad about putting the A/C down to 30 in the house.

4. Listen to nearly any advice I get from strangers. My doctor says there are only 2 things someone should legally be allowed to say to a pregnant lady: "You look wonderful!" and "Everything will be just fine."

5. Feel guilty about putting on some lbs. Sweet freedom!

Now someone go get me a cupcake!

We're Baaaaaack...

...from our ski trip and boy oh boy God sure made a beautiful planet. Snow-capped mountains, majestic pine trees so thick with snow that you wonder how the branches don't break off, clear zephyr skies....*sigh*...just breathtaking.

John skied several days. I got a massage at the spa. We went snowmobiling. I took many many pictures. We rode the ski gondola up to 11,000 ft elevation. We ate at several great places, some not so great. I soaked in the jacuzzi tub in my room. It was a vacation well worth the six-month anticipation. And it didn't fly by either. It was the perfect blend of adventure and relaxation. My favorite part was the view.

I really appreciate this world we live in and hope to see more of it. It is also my hope that John and I are able to share our sense of adventure with Bean. Some kids are afraid to try new things, and yeah I'm sure it has a lot to do with how their parents react to new experiences. I think baby is getting a good head start, having us for parents. Bean's dad has gone sky diving, bungee jumping and we are both scuba divers. We love to travel and experience new things.